Debt Hater

Father's Day E-cards: Tacky or Touching?

    I bought cards for various men yesterday, all fathers and all important figures in my life. I bought cards for my cousin, my cousin-in-law, my uncle, my father (who wasn't there when I grew up) and a man who's been like a father to me and very generous toward me and my family.
    I spent considerable time picking out cards that suited each of their personalities and that conveyed my own feelings appropriately. I chose humorous cards where appropriate, I chose religious-toned cards where appropriate -- you get the idea.
    I thought about each one. It took a while.

    The thing is, I hate buying cards.

    What a waste of money! People read them and then have little choice but to toss them. And these things ain't cheap. Unless you get the 99 cent cards (which there were none in the store I visited), I've never seen a decent card for under $3.00.
    One of these men, I sent him an e-card. Why? Because as I was addressing them to send this morning, I realized that I didn't have the right address for him. The one I had in my book was old and I didn't have time to hunt him down and get the right one in time to send the card so it would actually arrive before Father's Day (he travels out of the country a lot).
    So I sent an e-card (with an apology at the end of my sentimental note).

    But then, I thought, why didn't I just send them all e-cards? It's free and there's nothing to throw away. They get a cute note, they know I am thinking of them, I can write a personalized note and when they're done with the warm and fuzzies, they press delete and that's ok.
    So, what wrong with an e-card?

    Nothing... or everything? I felt bad that I sent him an e-card when everyone else will get a paper card, even though they're all destined for the trash -- literally or virtually.
    My fear is that e-cards, though convenient, are still, well, tacky. I send them to my friends for their birthdays. (Most of them are lucky if I even remember their birthdays, so they shouldn't expect cards or gifts.) Besides, with my friends, I can send a silly, interactive card to distract them for a few minutes at work, they delete them and move on. That's fine with me.

    But I know I could never send the mothers in my life e-cards. It would seem so crass and lazy. I even sent paper cards to two of my friends, who are also moms, because I was thinking of them and thought it would be a sweet gesture. And I found some really good ones for them too!

    Anyway, what do you all think about e-cards? And about gifts for not really real holidays in general? I mean, Mother's Day and Father's Day are great, but they're really just designed to get people to go shopping. If we express our love and appreciation for these folks like we're supposed to, then it shouldn't matter if we don't get them anything on these designated days, right?
    Or not? I know my guy "doesn't do" Valentine's Day. I know this. I also despise the commercial premise of the day. Yet, every year without fail, I'm secretly disappointed when he doesn't get me anything, take me anywhere or wish me Happy Valentine's Day. Silly, isn't it? Or is it?

    Talk to me!

    DH

Because you've been such a good customer...

    ... we're going to make it easier for you to get into debt that you will have a harder time getting out of!

    That's how the letter from my credit card holder reads to me.

    I got one of those standard mailings yesterday. I've been such a good customer, that my Bank of America Mastercard that I FINALLY paid off and rid myself of my credit card debt is "rewarding" me with a $17,700 credit limit.
   That's at least $2,000 higher than I remember it being.
    Very funny. I've been sending them checks for three years to pay the thing off and rather than give me something better (like, oh say, some of my money back), they give me more credit.
    Early in my debt hating and debt repayment career, I thought it wise to lower my credit limits to protect myself from overspending. But that's bad for your credit score because it can inflate your debt to credit ratio
(in English, your debt to credit ratio is simply how much you owe compared to how much credit you have available. According to bankrate.com, that ratio should not be higher than 50%. So if you're total limit is $10,000, don't go higher than $5,000  -- though, I would argue, don't have a balance at all!).
    I later learned that it really does my credit score no good to lower my balance for the sake of lowering it. So, they can go ahead and raise my balance if they want to, I still ain't using the credit card.

    DH

The Mind Doesn't Change As Quick As Your Circumstances

    Looking over what I did with my money this month, I'm... shocked?

    I think that's what it is. But, in truth, I shouldn't be surprised at all.

    Confession -- since I paid off my credit card and am officially credit card debt free, for some reason, I thought that gave me license to use my other credit card to pay for purchases I knew would be in my budget and, thus, I could pay off in full at the end of the month.
   
    No, DH, no.

    So let me tell you what happened. Everything I spent, I put into my spending spreadsheet. I accounted for every dollar. I knew exactly how much money I would have left by the end of the month.
    It looked like I had plenty of cash. My checking account was thick (well, thick for me!) and so was my regular savings. I used my bonus to replenish my emergency fund. So I had money!
    Wrong.
    Because I was using another credit card that I didn't check frequently, the balance was slowly building on that card. All the money in my checking account was already spoken for. It wasn't "extra."
    In fact, it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to have extra because I still put my monthly $600 on my card this month, like I had been doing. It wasn't like I suddenly had that $600 available, free and clear.

     I couldn't understand it. I spent the last three years teaching myself about money and debt, publicly listing my foibles and my triumphs in a blog and preaching the gospel of Debt Hateration to anyone who bothered to listen.
    So why the heck was I doing the same silly things?!

    I learned a WHOLE lot about money and I thank God for the knowledge. But I still HATE dealing with money. I didn't like it back when I was making a mess of my finances and I don't like it now. I don't really like talking about money -- not about money as an exercise or a topic. Even now, to me, money is a means to an end. I couldn't care less about the money itself.
    I still am not motivated by money. Seeing money grow in savings or investments is the next goal in my financial journey, but, I'm not going to lie, I'm not excited about it. Saving for the sake of saving does not excite me... not right this minute it doesn't.
    I think that's why I've been acting up this month. It was like I did back when I was deep in debt. I would work so hard to pay down so little that it got frustrating. Sometimes I wanted to "rebel" and spend just for the sake of breaking free of the discipline. But then, I always felt guilty because all I was doing was postponing my goal.
    So now, it's like I'm thumbing my nose at my card. "I paid you suckas off! You work for me now biatches!" But, duh, it won't be like that for long if I totally slack on the discipline I spent years building.

    I made some decisions. NUMBER ONE -- the cards are gone. All but two have been cut up and I put those away. So long as they're not in my wallet, I don't use them (I noticed that when the cards are out of site, they're out of mind for me. My problem was that I continued to carry the AMEX. Why? No idea.)

    NUMBER TWO -- yes I said I was on financial vakay for the rest of May, but I need to really consider my passions and find some new goals for myself and my cash, otherwise, it's just going to burn through my pockets.

    Now, don't get it twisted, being in debt scared and sickened the bejeebus of me so much that I'm not gonna backslide like that! But, why just stay where I am when I can finally get ahead? Now that's motivating.

Relief or Regret?

    "So which one are you filled with?" Bud asked Elle Driver in Kill Bill Vol. 2 after she arrived to confirm the death of her greatest nemesis -- Beatrix Kiddo, "Black Mamba."

    Was she filled with relief that Kiddo was finally dead? Or was she filled with regret, because the focus of her life was now over.

    Where am I going with this?

    Aside from the fact that the two Kill Bill's are among my favorite movies, the scene, to me, is applicable to my finally getting out of credit card debt.
    I was so despondent when I started on my debt journey. After I added up all my credit cards and saw just how much I owed, I started to seek online resources to help me figure out how the heck to get started paying it off.

    I went to the MotleyFool.com and signed up for the free debt reduction seminar.
    I went through all the steps including signing up for the service that stops credit offers from coming to your mailbox. I called my credit card companies and asked for lower rates. I went to Bankrate.com to look for 0% interest rate cards I could apply for to consolidate my debt onto one of those. I found a debt repayment calculator and punched in my numbers.
    At the rate I was paying my cards, it would have taken me 14 years and cost me more than $25,000 to pay off my credit cards, or something like that.
    For many nights afterwards, I got down on my knees beside my bed each night, clasping my hand together and asking God to help me be debt free in way less than 14 years -- 3 or 4 tops, please God, please, please.
   
    And, in the beginning, it went so slowly.

    I could barely pay for everything I needed,  but after a few months, it was like I hardly put a dent in the debt. I thought about getting a second job. I thought about taking out a loan from the bank because the terms and interest rates would be more favorable. I thought about getting a roommate. I thought about throwing up my hands. After all, doesn't everyone have $15G in credit card debt?

    I learned that no, they sure as heck don't. I learned that taking out a bank loan would serve no purpose. The debt would not be gone.

    But I wasn't getting a roommate and I just was not feeling working even harder than I already was, making little more than minimum wage and forking over whatever I got to a bank.

    I started my blog. At the time, I thought I'd be one of the only people in the world with the brilliant idea to take their financial exploits online. Ha! As soon as I signed up, I found hundreds of personal finance blogs. Hundreds.
    These people wrote about how they paid off debt. Or how they were savings tens of thousands of dollars or how their blog was generating revenue.
    I wanted to be like them.
    I read. I commented. I submitted to carnivals. I added links. I did guest blogs. I did interviews.

    Offline, I got books from the library (no more buying!). I did research. I experimented with budgets and spending records. It took me more than a year to get a system that worked for me.
    I told everyone what I was working on. I asked my family for "gift vacations." I wanted them to cut me some slack if I didn't buy a gift for every child born into the family; if I skipped all gift giving holidays except for Christmas; if I cut back on Christmas; if I didn't come home because I'd have to charge the ticket; if I could borrow some money; if I could just eat whatever they had at home; if I could skip the movies.

    I cooked my own lunch. I always had, really, but it was no longer an option. I figured out how to stretch a meal. I made myself eat less. I stopped going to the grocery story whenever and stuck to once a week. I never went without a list and a fistful of coupons. I bought the generic brands. I skipped the snacks.
    I told my friends that I couldn't go on a trip to Panama, to Vermont, to Mexico, to the Caribbean, on a cruise, to Vegas. I wanted to go so badly.

     The point is that paying off my debt became a crusade. I had made a mess and I was determined to fix it. The debt was so opposite to my personality -- responsible, dependable and organized. And it was keeping me from doing all the fun stuff I was looking forward to when I was an adult and on my own.

    I blogged about it. I talked about it. I told people what I learned. I confessed the mistakes I made. I patted myself on the back when I did well.

    Now, it's gone. It worked. All the prayer, the begging, the work, the learning, the discipline. I paid off the card.

    Now what?

    I slayed the dragon... now what's a knight to do?

    Elle Driver admitted that she was filled with regret that her enemy was defeated (but, mostly, she regretted that she hadn't done it herself. Didn't matter, Kiddo wasn't dead, and she plucked out Driver's one eye).
    Me, I AIN'T filled with regret.
    Hella naw.
    I am definitely filled with relief. The only thing I regret is getting into debt in the first place.
    But, now I need a new crusade.
    I'll get to that. I just need to put down this slayer sword for a minute and catch my breath.

    DH

Speaking of groceries, what about food stamps?

    I was reading this article from the Nashville, Tenn. newspaper.

    It's about more people seeking food stamps or assistance these days. That's includes working, "professional" people.

    Here's a telling quote from the story:

"When I first started doing this, we had pregnant teenagers, we had seniors," said Margaret Ingram, who coordinates a Second Harvest food pantry at Donelson Christian Church. "Now, I can't tell you how many times this year I have had someone come in and say, 'I never thought I would be here.' 'I have never had to ask for help before.' 'I am so ashamed.'"We try to tell them this isn't anything to be embarrassed about. … It's just one of those hard times for a lot of people."

    Then there's this statistic, also cited in the article:

    The Congressional Budget Office, the financial analysis arm of Congress, is predicting 28 million Americans will be enrolled in the federal food stamps program by next year, bringing national participation to levels unseen since the 1960s.

     Whoa.

     Two things:

    1 -- Is it that bad out there?! I mean, I'm lamenting my rising grocery costs because it eats into the rest of my budget (no pun intended) and all the recent news says it's just going to get worse. But man! I'm not standing in line at the soup kitchen yet. Is that on the horizon for me? Yikes!

   2 -- It's not about shame. Not on the people who need help. But it's gotta be shame on somebody! What is going on? I mean, I know. I read the articles -- rising demand, China, more corn being used for ethanol (um, why? Uh, I don't see anyone driving ethanol-fueled vehicles. I'd rather eat than fill up my car with biodiesel. I'll eat and take the bus, thank you.), wheat prices skyrocketing, the gods are angry, yada yada, on and on.
    But it's a shame that people can be so judgmental. Why would there be any shame in getting some food? We have to eat.
    And no one is talking about people sponging off Uncle Sucker. We all know they exist, but the handful of them have made it tough for the folks who really are struggling. Not just in the pantry, but on the job. While kids snigger and adults make snide comments from their comfortable positions, people are busting their butts working and not getting anywhere. It's not funny at all. And there's nothing funny about people going hungry in the wealthiest nation the world has every known.

    If you gotta eat, get down to that soup kitchen.
    If you've got plenty to eat, get down to that soup kitchen and donate money, food and/or time.

    But, this is a personal finance blog and I am a person learning about fiscal responsibility. So what lessons do I think this trend should teach me?

    Budget, budget budget. Food is important. But it makes no sense to do a rain dance to appease the grocery gods (mostly because there aren't any grocery gods). Instead, I have to figure out just how much more things will cost, and plan accordingly. Maybe that means fewer movies this month or cutting into the clothing  budget. Whatever it is, the balance at the end of the month must be black. Lesson #1 of personal of finance is spend less than you earn (a lesson, I admit, I'm not always up on!).

    Cut the fat. Literally and figuratively. Some products I might buy are expensive, but, wholly unnecessary. Usually, those products are processed, laden with fat or loaded with sugar. If I want sweets, I better be Betty Crocker and bake them myself. Or brew up my own sweet tea (tea bags and sugar are pennies compared to that stuff you buy ready made).

    Re-evaluate cooking in vs. eating out. That's right. What if buying all these groceries and NOT consuming them before they must be thrown away is costing more than just grabbing a $6 lunch? Now, this is a more drastic move. I say drastic because, frankly, the stuff you can buy quickly and cheaply for lunch usually isn't very good for you. I'd hate to spend the whole recession eating $3 burritos. Then I'll have a slim wallet, a wide waistline and high blood pressure to boot!
    But, maybe, there are some places where eating out would make more sense financially. I'll have to do some math.

    Coupons? HATE THEM! This is funny, coming from the QUEEN of coupons. Ask my guy, I once had a drawer full of them! I didn't go to the store without them. But, once I got good at budgeting, sticking to the shopping list and eyeballing my costs, I didn't need them. And I was relieved. They were a pain to keep track of, cut out and use before they expired.
    Do I need to revisit them? I say no. Why?  Coupons are almost always for processed crap -- the same food that's usually overpriced and undernourshing anyway. I've never seen a coupon for fresh fruit, but I've seen coupons for fruit flavored juice drink!
    BUT, coupons are great for stuff you always have to replace -- clothes detergent, toothpaste, toothbrushes, deodorant, feminine products (ladies, it ain't fair that we have whole categories of extra expenses!), you get the picture. But you gotta get the Sunday paper. It might be worth the $1.50 each week (man, even newspapers ain't cheap no more and they suck more and more each day!).

    Those are just some of my thoughts and ruminations on this. I know y'all have plenty to say and maybe some tips to share.
    Some of you mentioned Costco. Anyone joining supermarts to defray costs? I don't think I'm there yet.
    Anyone going to be in line at the soup kitchen with me? (I hope I'm just joking).

    DH

Are You Too Much Woman for Most Men?

    How much woman are you?

    You may be too much for most men.

    Single Ma sent me a link to this article over at MSN Money: Too successful for a mate?

    BK Diva wrote a post about it at her new place, Weight Down, Money Up.

    The short of it, many beautiful, fun, successful, financially wealthy or savvy young women are still single, and probably will be for the foreseeable future.

    I know that's true. I have friends who are AMAZING and aren't even close to marriage, engagement or even a steady boyfriend.
    Most of them are having fun just pushing their careers, hanging out with friends and traveling. Of course, once we all sit down with some wine and music and get to talking, eventually we have a thing or two to say about men.

    The explanation for this perpetual singleness for these fantastic ladies? This was a tidbit from the article and I, personally, think it is the sole reason for this phenomenon: "No matter how enlightened most men claim they are, few are ready to pair up with a woman who is more successful, better paid and better educated -- not to mention better traveled, more connected and more socially savvy than they are."

    I think it's that simple. The most wonderful, open-minded men still don't want to be second-fiddle, so to speak, to their woman. Heck, a lot of them don't want to be EQUAL with their lady. They want to be in charge and "ahead," however you want to define that.

    But what about you, DH? You've got an advanced degree, a young media career that you're planning to build up AND a man. So, how can you say those things?
    (I'm guessing some of you are asking that)

    Yeah, but that doesn't make any of that other stuff less true. Before I met my guy, I figured that I was probably going to wind up doing this life thing solo. I had been on dates with some nice guys, but it wasn't going to go anywhere.
    One guy in particular (well, two) were swell, blue collar types who both said the same thing: "I think it's sexy that you use big words." "I like a woman that's doing her own thing." "That's hot that you've got all that going for you." "Wow, you've traveled to all those places? That's hot."
    Yeah right.
    It's the same thing I've heard from men about me being tall. "I love tall women." "Tall women are sexy."
    Uh huh, until I wear heels  and I'm taller than you in public and then you don't think it's so sexy anymore.

    It makes me think of a woman I met at alumni function I attended this weekend. A successful lawyer and one of the first women to attend my university, she talked about the friction with her husband as she advanced herself.
    "You guys say you want a strong, ambitious woman," she said, then shook her head and waved her hand in that black woman way. "No you don't."
    And all the women clapped. It's the God's honest truth.

    Don't get me wrong. This is not a blue-collar guy thing. On the contrary, I think the whitest white collar dude would be even LESS willing to deal with a woman on the same level as him, and certainly not a rung higher in terms of finances, education or social connections.

    It's like Jay-Z said, "Get your independent azz outta here, question!"

    I have to believe that my guy is an exception to this rule. But, then again, I figure if he exists, then he can't be the ONLY one. So, where are these men and why aren't they meeting the women discussed in the article (or who are my own friends)?
    Maybe they are, but then, after a while, everybody's cards are really on the table and everybody has to be really honest about how they feel and what they want.
   
    Tough stuff.

    So all yall independent ladies who read my blog, what do you think?
    And all you guys who may dip in and out and never comment, now's the time to set the record straight. What do you think?

    DH

Invest in parking spots?

    I love my hometown of NYC, but I can see that I couldn't live there comfortably any time soon.

    Here's a CNN story about Manhattan parking spaces that cost more than most American homes.

    Who's buying these things? They must lose more money in their couch cushions than I spend on food and housing.

    And who in the world is buying these spaces to rent them? How much rent would you have to charge to recoup $200G in a reasonable amount of time?
   
    Can you get a mortgage on a parking spot? Would you need to buy insurance?

   
    DH

Going freegan?

   I read this article in the NYT today about "freegans" -- anti-capitalists who dumpster dive and eat discarded supermarket fare all to live "... off consumer waste in an effort to minimize their support of corporations and their impact on the planet, and to distance themselves from what they see as out-of-control consumerism."

    Read the article here.

    It starts out with a bunch of people recovering items from garbage bins outside NYU dorms after the students have emptied their rooms and left for the summer. Someone scored a TV and someone else a working iPod.

    I don't know what disturbs me more -- eating trash when you likely don't have to (none of these people are homeless or starving) or that these college kids threw away working TVs and iPods.

    I think it's really easy to be anti-consumerist when you have options. One of the guys in this story organizes freegan resources and doesn't work, but he lives with his father and elderly grandparents who, presumably, have paid all the bills and provide food bought in a store if he wanted to eat it.
    When you don't know where your next meal is coming from or you can't afford suitable housing for yourself and your small children, I think dumpster diving for the sake of the sparing the planet's resources is the farthest thing from your mind. It's about survival, not lifestyle.

    I went to college with some of the most affluent children in the country and there seemed to be two kinds: The wanna-be hippies who were all anti-establishment, pseudo-communist/socialist who could, at any moment, go home to work for their fathers in some massive company OR the spoiled consumers who just had entirely too much so nothing meant anything to them. There was an urban legend at my school about one kid who got a sports car from his parents, but it wasn't exactly the one he wanted, so he crashed it on purpose to get a new one.

    I guess it always come down to are you doing more harm than good. The freegans can't be hurting anybody by recycling trash or rescuing goods tossed just because. And, frankly, if they can score some good stuff, more power to them! It just makes me think twice about throwing things away (or buying new things that I may not need). And that's good for everyone.
   And wastefulness, well that isn't benefitting anybody is it?

    DH

One person can make a difference... but they probably won't

    I read this news article that said gas prices around the country would plummet 30 to 50 cents a gallon if just half of American drivers bought one less gallon of gas this month.

    One gallon.

    And the woman they interviewed didn't believe that was possible. She asked an ironic question: "I don't know if I believe it," she said. "That would be really surprising. If that's the case, wouldn't we all do that?"

    That's the funny thing about us humans... no, we wouldn't all do that, even if we knew that it would benefit us all.

    Why do we often believe that something so simple couldn't possibly work, but we are the same people who also think that  sending along  e-mail chain letters will bless us with the love of our lives or that playing the lottery is our ticket to wealth? We know that there's almost no chance in hell either will deliver, but how many people try it anyway, just in case?

    So why not buy less gas this month, just in case. I mean, heck, I'm willing to try it just to see if it might work!

    Maybe just take one less trip this week or stop the pump just one gallon under how much you usually get into your tank... how hard would that be?

   The fuel analyst blamed our skepticism on the government: "The word is not getting out," he said. "I think you have to say there's no leadership within the presidency or Congress . . . that tells us what we really don't want to hear."

   I don't think that's the problem. People just don't want to give up 7 miles now to save themselves hundred of dollars later.

    DH

Tax deduction a matter of morality?

    I hope everyone has already filed their taxes. I already got my refund (and I'll explain my plans for it in my next post).

    In this post there are some tax deduction tips and a morality question: Should you deduct charitable contributions (including tithes and offerings paid to your church)?

    Read on: