Whatever happened to me getting married?
Some of you may have been wondering all this time, while you newer readers may not have known at all that I am engaged.
While I was paying off my debt, I was also saving for a wedding. When I got a new job and moved to Tennessee, and my guy followed, we were planning a wedding. "Wedding" had been a line item in my budget for more than a year.
And for the past year, it hasn't been.
When I moved to D.C. to finally be with my guy in a place we both thought we could settle down in, I thought that we'd pretty much be on Easy Street. I had to find a job (which, thank God, I got on my first interview in D.C.... even though that job is now getting on my last nerve, but I'll get into that in a later post). We were squished in a studio, but we were together.
Famous last words. We had some unresolved issues festering between us, pressed hard by the stress of trying to get on financially stable ground, me dealing with a new city, him dealing with another person in his already small space, us trying to decide just who we wanted to be as a couple.
There were many days, weeks, months, moments where there was no question and no doubt that we madly in love and knew we could be something great together. But there were also moments, days... weeks... when we were at an impasse, not on the same page, not speaking, angry, frustrated, tired.
We've been working on it and I am happy to say I think we're doing really well. Much better, as far as I'm concerned, than we were doing this same time in 2008.
But, we still needed to do something different.
So I am moving out.
We made this decision a few weeks ago. I have held off on blogging about a lot of this stuff for some obvious reasons (this is deeply personal, but my blog isn't exactly anonymous). But, since this is going to directly and deeply affect my financial situation, here it is.
We're not breaking up. As a matter of fact, we want to start "dating" again, work on the friendship part of our relationship and just get to know each other in a different way. It's very exciting, although, yes, it's about a million miles away from where I thought we'd be two years ago.
I'm ok with that.
I love him. I know he loves me. We're going to keep working it out and we'll see what happens.
The dress. I still have it. It hangs in our shared closet. And maybe one day it will be worn, by me.
PS -- The good news is, I found an apartment already. I'll get to that in my next post.