Relief or Regret?

    "So which one are you filled with?" Bud asked Elle Driver in Kill Bill Vol. 2 after she arrived to confirm the death of her greatest nemesis -- Beatrix Kiddo, "Black Mamba."

    Was she filled with relief that Kiddo was finally dead? Or was she filled with regret, because the focus of her life was now over.

    Where am I going with this?

    Aside from the fact that the two Kill Bill's are among my favorite movies, the scene, to me, is applicable to my finally getting out of credit card debt.
    I was so despondent when I started on my debt journey. After I added up all my credit cards and saw just how much I owed, I started to seek online resources to help me figure out how the heck to get started paying it off.

    I went to the MotleyFool.com and signed up for the free debt reduction seminar.
    I went through all the steps including signing up for the service that stops credit offers from coming to your mailbox. I called my credit card companies and asked for lower rates. I went to Bankrate.com to look for 0% interest rate cards I could apply for to consolidate my debt onto one of those. I found a debt repayment calculator and punched in my numbers.
    At the rate I was paying my cards, it would have taken me 14 years and cost me more than $25,000 to pay off my credit cards, or something like that.
    For many nights afterwards, I got down on my knees beside my bed each night, clasping my hand together and asking God to help me be debt free in way less than 14 years -- 3 or 4 tops, please God, please, please.
   
    And, in the beginning, it went so slowly.

    I could barely pay for everything I needed,  but after a few months, it was like I hardly put a dent in the debt. I thought about getting a second job. I thought about taking out a loan from the bank because the terms and interest rates would be more favorable. I thought about getting a roommate. I thought about throwing up my hands. After all, doesn't everyone have $15G in credit card debt?

    I learned that no, they sure as heck don't. I learned that taking out a bank loan would serve no purpose. The debt would not be gone.

    But I wasn't getting a roommate and I just was not feeling working even harder than I already was, making little more than minimum wage and forking over whatever I got to a bank.

    I started my blog. At the time, I thought I'd be one of the only people in the world with the brilliant idea to take their financial exploits online. Ha! As soon as I signed up, I found hundreds of personal finance blogs. Hundreds.
    These people wrote about how they paid off debt. Or how they were savings tens of thousands of dollars or how their blog was generating revenue.
    I wanted to be like them.
    I read. I commented. I submitted to carnivals. I added links. I did guest blogs. I did interviews.

    Offline, I got books from the library (no more buying!). I did research. I experimented with budgets and spending records. It took me more than a year to get a system that worked for me.
    I told everyone what I was working on. I asked my family for "gift vacations." I wanted them to cut me some slack if I didn't buy a gift for every child born into the family; if I skipped all gift giving holidays except for Christmas; if I cut back on Christmas; if I didn't come home because I'd have to charge the ticket; if I could borrow some money; if I could just eat whatever they had at home; if I could skip the movies.

    I cooked my own lunch. I always had, really, but it was no longer an option. I figured out how to stretch a meal. I made myself eat less. I stopped going to the grocery story whenever and stuck to once a week. I never went without a list and a fistful of coupons. I bought the generic brands. I skipped the snacks.
    I told my friends that I couldn't go on a trip to Panama, to Vermont, to Mexico, to the Caribbean, on a cruise, to Vegas. I wanted to go so badly.

     The point is that paying off my debt became a crusade. I had made a mess and I was determined to fix it. The debt was so opposite to my personality -- responsible, dependable and organized. And it was keeping me from doing all the fun stuff I was looking forward to when I was an adult and on my own.

    I blogged about it. I talked about it. I told people what I learned. I confessed the mistakes I made. I patted myself on the back when I did well.

    Now, it's gone. It worked. All the prayer, the begging, the work, the learning, the discipline. I paid off the card.

    Now what?

    I slayed the dragon... now what's a knight to do?

    Elle Driver admitted that she was filled with regret that her enemy was defeated (but, mostly, she regretted that she hadn't done it herself. Didn't matter, Kiddo wasn't dead, and she plucked out Driver's one eye).
    Me, I AIN'T filled with regret.
    Hella naw.
    I am definitely filled with relief. The only thing I regret is getting into debt in the first place.
    But, now I need a new crusade.
    I'll get to that. I just need to put down this slayer sword for a minute and catch my breath.

    DH

Comments

[Val D. Parker]

Yeah!! I can't wait for the next crusade... whether it's your wedding, another relocation, a business venture, homeownership, future college fund for kids, etc.... Like the hundreds of others, thanks for sharing your journey....

Vest,
Val in VA

[Val D. Parker]

Yeah!! I can't wait for the next crusade... whether it's your wedding, another relocation, a business venture, homeownership, future college fund for kids, etc.... Like the hundreds of others, thanks for sharing your journey....

Best,
Val in VA

[Kimberly]

You are so awesome and inspiring. I can't wait to see what you're going to do next.

[Nine Circles]

Thanks for this. This was exactly the kind of post I needed to read today.

[Movingonup!]

Very inspiring! I hope to be with you soon. Thanks.

[sense]

I went through the same thing when my debt was paid off:
http://sensetodollars.blogspot.com/2006/10/what-hell-do-i-do-now_08.html

It's been awesome ever since--I haven't saved up millions of dollars or anything, but I have accomplished several goals, and was able to go part time at work and take classes, something I've been wanting to do since starting my job! It's nice to have such freedom.

You'll figure out what is the most important thing to focus on next, give it time.

[Sistah Ant]

After I paid my debt, I knew I'd need a new crusade. So now I'm saving my behind off. And simply having the goal is maaad motivating...

But um, you really should bask in the sunshine of what you've just accomplished (just not by spending a whole lot).

[DW Diva]

Congratulations and thank you--thank you for this post. I'm in the beginning of my journey and doing it this time with my eyes open. It was good to read this.

[Dolly Iris]

What a great post! I have been wondering a lot lately what I will do once my debt is over.