When I Get the Blues

    When I feel down, I want to spend money.

    I think I finally figured that out.

    I want to eat out rather than cook at home.
    I want a shiny new book with the lovely new page smell.
    I want a pretty top, some hot boots or some other nice piece to wear and pick me up.
    I want fancy shower gels, bubble bath, body oil or sumptuously scented exfoliator to treat myself.

    I want, I want, I want.

    I want to feel better.
   
    When I am busy, engaged and feeling good, I have no desire to shop unless I need something. When I'm listless, sad or feeling unsure of my course, I want to go to the store.

    Many times I don't act on that desire. But occasionally I do and it never fails to take me over budget.

    I haven't done that in a long time, but I was thinking about it as I tried to get a firm understanding of my spending habits. I thought about my little shopping excursion yesterday. When I bought those clothes, it felt like I released a breath I had been holding tight in my chest for months. Like I relaxed a muscle that was burning from being held so tight.

    I'm not a spendthrift, but I have my vices. I also have willpower, but when I'm feeling blue that goes out the window.

    I just wonder what made me associate positive feelings with spending money? Especially when I associate such deeply negative feelings with debt and waste.

    I've never been that girl who loved to shop. I hated shopping! I couldn't think of a more painful thing to do on a Saturday afternoon (but, then, I also didn't wear makeup or high heels until grad school -- I guess one day I just turned into a girl!).

    But, I still had my things that I liked to spend money on. Books. Movies. Music. Concerts. Trips. Small gadgets. Bubble bath and such.

    Any junior psychologists out there who care to venture a guess? Why do I "feel better" when I spend money when I ain't got no business spending a thing!

    DH

Comments

[Dedicated]

This posts intrigues me, maybe because I Hate shopping.

I have often heard and read of others like you - that spend when they are sad, discouraged or stressed. The funny thing for me is, I will not spend at all when those feelings are there. But, if I am happy, secure and excited about something - watch out - keep me away from the stores, I can spend like a psycho without meds.

It has always puzzled me. Just something to ponder.

PS. Your purchases sounded totally fun to me.

[Single Ma]

I wish I had answers for you. I often struggle with the same thing myself. For some reason, lately, I don't have the urge to shop - happy or sad. Not sure what's gotten in to me because I usually LOVE to shop. Oh well. The emotional phenomenon is an interesting one indeed.

[Msminiducky]

I often thought the urge to shop was due to acquiring and bringing home something new. When I'm sad or discontent, the thought is that I need a change or something different, and shopping accomplishes that rather nicely. You know, you look good with that new outfit now, and you have something to spice up the wardrobe, etc. Sometimes it's also the thrill of the bargain!

[nofearingthemoney]

It seems to me that you may be shopping as a method to avoid dealing with your "bad" feelings, which it seems you already know. The problem is that like all methods of avoidance, the underlying feeling doesn't go away, it is just avoided temporarily.

You said it yourself, you want to feel better (which is really wanting to avoid feeling "badly") and your method of choice is to shop. Maybe thinking deeply about what feelings arise when you shop might help you to understand why you associate shopping with feeling better when you are down.

When I want to understand myself better, I lean on my religious teachings. That has helped me to much better understand my relationship with a lot of things, including money. I am not suggesting a particular religion to you in any way. For me, it has helped and that it why I mention it.

[Fabulously Broke]

Cuz you're bored?

I'm the same way. I get bored. I shop. I get down/depressed, I need a pick me up.

Imma working on that. I just keep VERY busy so I don't have the temptation to go out and "browse"

[lpkitten]

i used to feel the same way. i think that's how i ended up getting myself into the whole debt mess to begin with. i think it had something to do with feeling like something was missing so i was trying to fill it up with stuff that i thought would make me happy. ultimately, i had to step back and realize that that stuff wasn't making me happy and i had to find something that truly made me happy instead. maybe try making a list of things that make you happy and whenever you feel like shopping look at the list and do something else instead?

[Amphritrite]

There was an article recently run on MSN (I think it was MSN) about how certain people get endorphins from shopping, much the same way they would get it from exercising or playing bedroom games (to put it politely). It's part of the reason that there are shopping addicts out there. The important thing is that you find something to replace shopping with, or find ways to enjoy shopping without actually spending money (ie... getting interested in fashion and going window shopping). If all else fails, find a way to thoroughly enjoy what you DO have to shop for - challenge yourself to meet a goal with grocery shopping or something along that line.