Bleeding money for the matrimony

  Okay, so the wedding so far --
    Dress: CHECK
    Site: CHECK
    Photographer: CHECK
   
    As in, I have to write checks for all these things!

    We have finally found a location in NYC for our ceremony and reception. It's a beautiful spot and though quite expensive, it was thousands of dollars cheaper than a bunch of other locations I looked at.
    I am very pleased!
    I was less excited about writing a check for $1,000 -- a NON-REFUNDABLE deposit. How can you make an amount so big non-refundable?
    I went over the contract with a fine-toothed comb, sent a list of questions by e-mail and waited for responses before signing our hard earned money away.
    I also asked the photographer to accept a smaller deposit (it's normally 30% of the total price -- asked him to accept 10%) because if either of us had to cancel, I didn't want to be out $600 of a non-refundable deposit. Of couse, I have that in an e-mail too.
    I've seen too many judge shows to know that you must have everything in writing and a paper trail. Anyone wants to get cute with me and I have the e-mails to prove what I was told. I also rejiggered the contracts to get what I want. With these large amounts of money, it's no time to play around (as I quickly learned after the dress incident).
    Which brings me to a far more important point: After the engagement is no time to figure out if you can actually marry someone. Many couples go to counseling AFTER the proposal, the ring, the acceptance and the preliminary planning. That's all backwards.
    My guy and I went to premartial counseling BEFORE there was a proposal. If you've been talking marriage with someone, test the waters earlier. It'll save you a lot of time and hopefully grief.
    Your life is more important than your money. If you and your sig-other know in your hearts a marriage would be disastrous, don't live in denial, call off the wedding. Yes, you'll lose money and a little face, but it's worth sparing yourself the misery of a divorce or years in a marriage neither of you really wants to be in. Before a wedding is the best time to call a marriage off.
    With that said, I don't anticipate that being a problem for us! We've both been down that road before and we're smarter, happier people for it.

Comments

[D]

Amen!

A future divorce would cost way more than the current deposits.

You are an awesome negotiator...wish I had that skill.

[HC]

I tip my hat to you. Most people wouldn't even consider premarital counseling.

And it sounds like you have your vendors in line too. I'm sure the wedding will be gorgeous.

[mapgirl]

Good for you on negotiating the deposits down and for the pre-engagement counseling. A friend of mine did that and she tied the knot last month. I know it was a good choice to do it sooner rather than later.